This is one version of an opening to a Halloween story I started a couple of years ago. I couldn't decide exactly what I wanted to do with it so I never wrote the whole story, but I do like the heroine, Lisa. She's a bit of a clothes snob, but very funny.
****Excerpt****
This was getting ridiculous. It was past the point of fun ages ago. Whoever thought battling demons and vampires was cool ought to have their head shrunk.
Being covered in slimy, green goo that once was the blood of a Dendra demon was the last straw. Four hundred nineteen kills. That was how many demons Lisa had slain or banished since discovering her special calling as a White Witch of Gendron.
Lisa could care less about adding any more to her list of banished and decimated creatures. She wanted out. Or at least a long vacation. Starting tonight.
She walked away from the bloody body with the silver knife hanging from it’s chest. Lisa didn’t even pause to pick up the weapon. Why bother? This was it. The last time.
Halloween was only tomorrow night. Lisa thought it was appropriate to get away and start fresh at the Celtic New Year.
She’d devoted three years to this and it was time to do something else. Bethany and Max could have it: the long nights patrolling, the bruises and scratches, the heavy bag full of stakes and potions and silver daggers. Lisa had other things to do. Like homework.
After taking up demon hunting as a career, her grades sunk. While she’d managed to get into the MFA Creative Writing program at the university, she was behind in three classes.
What had happened to her life? At one time, she was a good writer with a witty sense of humor. She’d won awards in undergrad and had her pick of schools after college. It seemed like ages since she’d gotten an “A” on one of her stories.
Since Gram died, Bethany and Max expected Lisa to continue in Gram’s work. No one expected prim and proper Beth, Lisa’s sister, to carry daggers and mirrors out in the middle of the night looking for monsters with fangs. But crazy Lisa was perfect for it.
No one cared that Lisa had once had a life. Whatever she’d been up to was simply inconsequential compared to the work of the Gendron witches. Lisa wished she could slap the ancestor who decided to take up demon thrashing and pass the calling to her future relatives.
Lisa frowned as she made it to her doorstep. She closed the door without even turning the lights on. In the dark, she sprinted across the living room to the stairs. All she could think about was getting into the shower. Tomorrow, she’d burn the clothes or take them out to a dumpster far, far away.
As Lisa stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her body and one around her wet, blond hair. She noticed the bags underneath her blue eyes as she spread on the moisturizer. Maybe now she could finally make it to bed before
She was distracted by the sound at the door. Knock. Knock. Knock.
“I’m in the shower,” Lisa called.
Her sister’s voice carried through the door. “No, you’re not. There’s no water running.”
Lisa turned the faucet on and turned back toward the mirror. She didn’t care if there was a dire emergency and the whole of
“Leese,”
Frowning, Lisa yanked open the door.
Her sister was wearing one of her icky navy polyester suits that screamed cheap department store. And, those shoes, those “I’ll-never-meet-a-man-as-long-as-I-live” navy old lady pumps which should have been burned in 1989.
“We are being called to the witches’ council tomorrow. There will be a swearing in of the new head of the High Council.”
“Well, you can RSVP without me. I’m not going.” Lisa brusquely dried her hair with the towel.
“What do you mean you are not going? Are you patrolling?”
“No.”
“Then what else could be so important?”
“My life.” Lisa gently pushed her sister out of the bathroom and took hold of the door. “I am not patrolling or going to the witches council ceremony. I am taking a vacation.” She closed the door. “An extended vacation, with any luck.”
****End of Excerpt****Just for fun, here's the very first draft opening paragraph. Similar to the above, but it amuses me. I love the way Lisa sizes everyone up by their clothes or lack thereof:
“Oh, Pu-leeze,” Lisa groaned. “Beth, you’re not serious. Can’t this wait until tom—um, until next year?”
***********
A few of my friends also have excerpts up on their sites starting tomorrow, Monday, April 13, so check these out for some free reads. Many of these are erotic romance, so be advised before clicking!:
http://edenbradley.blogspot.com/ (My good friend Eden Bradley has a new book out. Read the excerpt for A 21st Century Courtesan. Hot stuff!)
http://clwhite.wordpress.com/2009/04/13/excerpt-monday/
http://maureenmccarrie.blogspot.com
http://jeannielin.com/blog/2009/04/13/exce...ay-his-or-hers/ (My friend Jeannie is a Golden Heart finalist this year! Yay!!!)
Kinsey W. Holley Excerpt Monday
Becca Sheridan-Furrow
Kirsten Saell, The Chancellor's Bride
http://melsmag.wordpress.com/
Scenting Cinnamon by Ella Drake
Evie Byrne: Bound by Blood, Book 2 of the Faustin Bros. Trilogy
Emily Ryan-Davis: Changing Thumbelina, the Erotická Revue excerpt
http://kate-willoughby.blogspot.com/2009/04/kiss-guy.html
http://ginaardito.blogspot.com/2009/04/its...rpt-monday.html
http://www.rflong.com/?p=354
http://briaspage.wordpress.com/2009/04/13/em-2/
http://stephanieadkins.wordpress.com/blog/
Inheritance
http://roselondon.wordpress.com/
http://writingspectacle.blogspot.com/2009/...rpt-monday.html
here is the excerpt for Babette James
20 comments:
That was a fun excerpt. I really like the "White Witch of Gendron". Really great character that I "got" right off & she is fun. Maybe you'll finish the story, or co-op her into something new. Hope so!
Thank you, Ella. I like this character a lot. I still haven't completely defined her world (I thought of a couple of different plots to put her in). But, in all of them, she is a White Witch of Gendron and she has the hots for a guy named Seph who looks a lot like Wentworth Miller. ;)
Homework AND demons! How do you choose? Great excerpt Vivienne! And so different from what I've read from you before!
I enjoyed this and I liked the personality quirk about the clothes. I like the dark humor, reminds me of the goodness that was Buffy.And eewww, green goo.
Thanks, Jeannie. I write paranormal and historical, so they're definitely a different species, so to speak. I'm a lot snarkier in the paranormals.
Becca, I think of Lisa as a cross between Buffy, Cordelia, and Maxie Jones from General Hospital.
My favorite line: And, those shoes, those “I’ll-never-meet-a-man-as-long-as-I-live” navy old lady pumps which should have been burned in 1989.
OMG. Hilarious. (Even considering *I* might have a pair like that in my closet from my teaching days!)
I'd like to see more of this character too. Fun!
I liked that excerpt a lot, and I think it's a story my daughter would get into to. Definitely something we'd buy.
More more more. Please. =o)
LOL, Kate. I don't even know where it came from, but Lisa has a distinct eye for "ugly" servicable shoes. Sadly, I do wear the kinds of shoes my character would cringe at. She would definitely force me to get a makeover!
Thanks Pixie and BE for the encouragement. Perhaps I will finally figure out a good story for Lisa and Seph.
Great excerpt. I totally got into how much she disliked her calling :) Not that I can blame her. The goo thing would get old FAST :D
Awesome opening. I definitely see why she needs a vacation. Love the snarky comments. Let us know what you decide to do with it.
Great opening. You have an voice I really like. It's smooth and clear with just enough humour in it to draw my interest. Great!
I have demon hunter characters too and I love the way you've handled it and the demands of the job with humor and a likable first person voice. Nicely done.
Thanks everyone for the feedback. Lisa is one of the few characters whose personality came through really strong right from the first word on paper. I can pretty much throw her anywhere and know what she'll do. I only wish all of my characters and books were that distinct!!
It's like: "Imagine if your sisters really were witches, instead of just acting like..." Well, never mind.
Lisa has a great voice. She needs a home!
I definitely love her wicked sense of humor. That was so much fun, Vivienne!
This was a really fun read. I was drawn into the characters personality immediately. :)
Great excerpt, Vivienne. I love, love, love anything to do with Halloween. :)
Yes, Evie, Lisa is witchy and "b**chy" but somehow manages to stay likable. I think it's the fact that she'll do what others won't and will sacrifice in order to protect others. Just don't ask her to give up her fashion sense!
And, thanks for the comments Gina, Kel, and Stephanie!
This was fun. I enjoyed your character's voice and humor.
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